Title:  To Love Somebody
By:  Tess and Char Chaffin
Category:  Mulder/Other, Mulder/Scully
Rating:  R to NC-17
Spoilers:  "Never Again", "Irresistible", "Gethsemane", "Redux I and
II", and other spots during season 4 and 5

Disclaimers:  Ours to play with, ours to love - not ours to profit
from!

Author's Notes:  At the end!
Feeback:  you know we'd adore it!
Tnv099@aol.com and char@chaffin.com

Summary:   In the midst of attempting to have a normal romance,
Mulder's escalating feelings for Scully, and her deteriorating health
due to her advancing cancer, make it impossible for him to commit...



~ Chapter Ten ~

I had only been at my mother's house for a day or two when Mulder
arrived for another of his twice-daily visits.  I looked up at the
sound of a light tapping on the bedroom door and saw him poke his
head into the room.

"Hey," he whispered softly as he moved quietly across the carpeted
floor to settle on the edge of the narrow twin bed that had been mine
growing up.  "How do you feel?" he asked.  I struggled to sit up,
leaning against the pillows mounded against the headboard.

"A little better every day," I assured him with a small smile. 
Mulder smiled back and we lapsed into a strangely awkward silence
that was broken only by the jingling sound of Mulder playing with his
car keys.  I glanced at the black leather jacket he wore.

"Why don't you take off your jacket and get comfortable," I
suggested but he shook his head and continued to bounce his keys
around in his palm until I reached out and covered his hand with mine.

"Mulder?" I asked.  Something was bothering him.  He sighed and
shoved the keys deep into the pocket of his jacket and then wrapped
his fingers around my hands.

"Since your mom is taking such good care of you," he began softly,
"I thought I would take a few days and go up to visit my own mother."
I was surprised by his announcement.  I had grown so accustomed 
to his near constant presence over these last few weeks.  A sudden 
thought entered my mind and I bit down hard on my lower lip.

"I know you probably have some things you need to discuss with her,"
I said slowly, remembering the awful confrontation he and his mother
had gone through only a little more than a month earlier.  "Will
Lillian be going with you?" I asked.  Mulder shook his head and his
hands tightened around mine.

"Lillian and I..." His voice trailed off for a moment and he quickly
looked away from me.  "We aren't together anymore," he said simply. 
His announcement was met with a lot of confusion on my part as well
as a soaring feeling of hope.  That hope was quickly squashed when I
took note of the look of deep sadness etched across his tired
features.

"What happened?" I asked quietly as I slipped back into the familiar
role of friend and confidante.  He blew out a frustrated breath and
rubbed his thumbs over the backs of my hands.

"I don't know," he said on a heavy sigh.  He shook his head quickly,
denying his own words.  "That's not true," he amended.  "What
happened was that I wasn't paying enough attention to her, to our
relationship," he said with a shrug.  I pulled one hand free of his
and leaned forward.

"It's not too late."  I forced the words past the huge lump in my
throat.  "Lillian loves you, Mulder," I told him.  I looked around
the room and then my gaze settled back on his bent head.  "This is my
fault," I sighed as I thought about all of the time Mulder had spent
with me over the long months of my illness to the detriment of his
relationship with Lillian.  

Mulder instantly began to shake his head in denial of my words. 
"No, Scully.  It's my fault.  I..." He lifted his head and met my
gaze directly.  "I needed to be with you," he told me.  "And, I
didn't love her enough. I didn't love her the way she
deserves to be loved," he sighed and again I saw the look of
anguished sadness sweep over his face.  I pulled him toward me and
slipped my arms around him.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered against his cheek.  Mulder's arms curled
tightly about my waist and I reveled in the warmth of his body and
the smoothness of his cheek where it pressed against my own. How
nice it would be to stay like this with him, for hours... but too
soon, he had pulled away.

"I'm going to go away for a few days," he told me.  "I need to make
things right with my mother."  I nodded encouragingly.

"How long will you be gone?" I asked in a quiet voice.  He shrugged
and pushed himself to his feet.

"I'm not sure," he said and I craned my head back so that I could
see him as he towered over my bed.  "So much has changed," he told me
as his eyes roved over my face.  "A few days, maybe a week. I have a
lot of things I need to think about," he admitted.  "I need to start 
making some changes in my life," he added cryptically.  Then he
leaned down and brushed his lips over my cheek.

"I'll call you," he promised.  He strode toward the door and wrapped
his hand around the old-fashioned glass doorknob.  He stopped and
turned around, staring at me with a soft smile on his face.  I'm not
sure what he saw in my eyes, but he walked back to the bed and leaned
into me, catching me in another kiss - this one firm and sweet upon 
my lips.  It was over much too soon...  He straightened and waggled
his eyebrows at me then turned back toward the door, tossing over his
shoulder, "You take care of yourself and listen to your mother." His 
departing smile was crooked as he peeped at me once more, before
pulling the door closed behind him.

That was almost a week ago.  Mulder had kept his promise and we had
spoken a few times on the telephone, but the conversations were
always brief and mostly filled with idle chatter about how we had
spent our day.  I was leaning against the headboard, willing the
phone to ring when I heard my mother's soft voice calling to me from
outside of the door.

"Come on in, Mom," I answered.  She swung the door open and for once a
tray filled with food did not burden her hands.  Poor Mom.  She'd
been walking a tightrope ever since I came to her house to
recuperate. Torn between her need to mother and coddle me, and my
need to be independent...  Of course, this was a long-standing
situation between us.  Even as a child, I preferred to be left alone
when I wasn't feeling well.  But this time, I was so weak and tired
that I had no choice but to rely on my mother's help.  The first few
days after I was released from the hospital even the walk from my
bedroom to the bathroom was taxing and I had leaned heavily on my
mother's arm for assistance.

I was getting stronger every day under my Mom's watchful eye.  My
appetite was slowly returning and she had filled the kitchen with my
favorite foods.

"How was your nap?" she asked as she settled down on the edge of my
bed.  Her fingers stroked over my forehead, brushing the hair out of
my eyes and I was instantly transported back to my childhood and a
time when it was this woman's smiling face that had greeted me each
day after I'd awaken from my afternoon nap.  

"It was good," I said as I stretched my arms over my head. I leaned
against the pillows and rolled my head toward her.  "I swear Mom, 
I think I could sleep nonstop if I tried."  She laughed softly 
and straightened the blankets over my legs, then stood and
went to the window, opening the blinds to reveal the late day
sunlight as it danced through the red and orange leaves of the trees
in the yard.

"Well, the most important thing right now is lots of rest and good
food," she declared authoritatively.  "Speaking of which, how would 
you like to come downstairs and watch some television with me before 
I start dinner?"  I nodded and sat up to slip my feet into the 
slippers waiting on the floor next to the bed.  I followed my
mother down the steps and collapsed gratefully onto the sofa cushions
in the family room.  How was I ever going to get the strength back so
that I could return to work? I wondered.  My mother was bustling
around in the kitchen and this time, the old reliable tray was
clasped in her hands when she returned.

"I made some tea," she said as she set the tray onto the coffee
table.  She held out a mug and I took it from her.  "Be careful," she
warned.  "It's hot."  I blew across the steaming surface of the tea
and picked up the remote control.  I was concentrating on surfing
through all of the channels provided by Mom's cable company when she
lifted a plate toward me.

"I bought some Lady Fingers when I was at the supermarket today,"
she told me.  I smiled to myself as I set my mug back down and took
one of the little cakes from the plate as I began flipping through
the channels again.  Mom murmured softly and I stopped channel
surfing at her request.  We watched Oprah in silence for several
minutes, but I was having trouble focusing on the talk show host and
her guest... all I could think about was Mulder.

"Dana?" My mother called my name and I shook my head for a moment to
clear it.  "Is something wrong?" she asked.  "Is the cake stale?"  I
glanced down at the small, golden sponge cake that I was still
holding and then back at my mother's face.  I shook my head again and
stuffed one end of the cake between my lips.

"No," I mumbled around a mouthful of sponge cake.  "It's fine," I
told her.  "I was just thinking."

"About Fox?" she asked.  Drat - I could feel a flush steal over my
cheeks.  And I was taken aback by my mother's keen eye for
observation.

"I was just surprised that he hasn't called yet," I said by way of
an explanation.  My mother smiled and laughed softly.

"He called earlier," she told me.  I frowned and brushed the crumbs
from my fingers.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked.  My mother's eyebrows arched at
the tone of irritation that bled into my words and I slumped back
sullenly against the cushions.  How old would I have to be, I
wondered, before that look was no longer effective?

"Sorry," I muttered, my tone less than contrite.  But dammit, I
really wanted to talk to him.  I chanced another glance at my mother
and her eyebrows were still flirting with her hairline.  For a
moment, I had the irrational thought that if I didn't apologize, her
face would freeze that way.  I smiled ruefully.

"I really am sorry," I said.  She smiled and held out the plate of
Lady Fingers again.  Apology accepted.  

"You miss him," she said.   I toyed with the little cake in my hands
and shrugged.

"I'm just so used to seeing him every day," I began and even I could
hear how pathetic that was as an excuse.  I lifted the sponge cake to
my lips and nibbled nervously on one end.  My mother was not fooled
by my studied nonchalance, and stared me down with little effort.

"You're in love with him," she stated quietly and once again I was
startled by her shrewdness.  I don't know why.  She's remarkably
astute.  That's one of the reasons why I stay away from her when
there is something I don't want her to know... the way I did when I
was first diagnosed with my cancer.

"I... I..." Stammering nervously, I began to pick the cake apart.
My mother's hand settled over mine and she took the mangled dessert
away from me.

"It's all right, Dana," she told me.  "I've known for a very long
time."  I looked up at her sharply.  How could she have known when I
only just realized it myself a few months ago...  She smiled
knowingly and twined the fingers of one hand with mine.  "I've
suspected ever since the first time I saw you together, but I knew
for sure when you agreed to have that thing put into your neck."  Her
fingers let go of mine and drifted over the tiny scar on the back of 
my neck.  "I saw the look of confidence and acceptance on your face 
when he presented the chip to you."  I nodded and miserably knuckled
a tear away from my eyes.

"Why does that make you sad?" she asked me.  I turned to face her
and one look into her kind and beloved face had the tears brimming
over my lashes and spilling down my cheeks.  She instantly gathered
me into her arms and rocked me back and forth.  I inhaled the
mingled fragrances of Ivory soap and Chanel No. 5 that was my mother
and sought refuge in her embrace.

"I'm so confused... I do love him and I don't know what to do about 
it," I said on a hitching breath.  Mom rubbed her hands over my back 
in a soothing motion.

"Why don't you just tell him?" she asked as if that was the most
natural thing for me to do.  I laughed wetly against her neck.

"I can't, Mom," I said on a ragged breath.  "I... we have to work
together.  What if he doesn't... I could never look at him..." My
voice trailed off helplessly as I stumbled over my litany of reasons
for keeping my feelings a secret.

"What if he doesn't love you back?" my mother asked, putting into
words one of my deepest fears.  I nodded and bit off another sob. 
God!  When did I become such an emotional mess, I wondered.  I've
cried more in the last six months than I have cried in my entire life.

"Dana."  My mother framed my face between her hands and her voice
was stern, yet tender at the same time.  "If there is one lesson you
should have learned from everything that has happened to you, it is
that life is short."  She leaned closer to me and rested her forehead
against mine.

"Don't waste any more time," she told me as she dropped a kiss onto
the tip of my nose.  Her eyes regarded me with tender mother-love,
then she brushed another soft kiss to my cheek close to my ear. 
Her low voice soothed and reassured me.

"Have some faith, Dana," she whispered.  "Everything will work out."

********************* 


I stood on the deck and sipped at my hot coffee, enjoying the feel
of its steam on my face and the heat from the mug warming my fingers,
on this cold and damp autumn morning.  Early-morning October in New
England was always something to see; the sun barely breaking over the
horizon and the deep silence of another day interrupted only by an
occasional bird chirp or dog bark.

The coffee was thick and black, the way I used to drink it in
college when I'd inhaled it, to keep me awake during killer study
marathons.  The only way my mother knew how to make it, as well... 
As if my thoughts could conjure her this early in the day, she
appeared behind me, a hand on my back signifying her presence.  I
turned and held out an arm, which she slipped under, hugging my side.
A companionable silence stretched between us, not awkward in the
least - a big improvement over the lack of communication in our pasts.

To say my mother had been surprised to see me was a bit of an
understatement - she was shocked.  I never called her first; I just
showed up on her doorstep several days after Scully went to stay with
her mom.  I'd had some fence mending to do - that's what I'd mumbled
to her when she'd opened the door and saw me standing there with the
collar of my jacket turned up around my ears and my hands shoved into
the pockets of my oldest jeans.  Her face had shown some confusion,
but she'd waved me into the house, taking my jacket and placing it on
the hall table, before turning back to me and repeating my mumble.

"Fence mending, Fox?  I don't follow you."  I'd stared down at her
with misery, and had reached out a hand to touch her shoulder.

"Mom... the last time I saw you I accused you of some terrible
things.  I can't even begin to apologize for what I said to you..." 
I could see the memory of that day in my mother's eyes and she
sighed, moving closer to me and placing her hand against the cheek
she'd slapped when those words had popped out of my mouth.

"Oh, Fox.  Do you think I didn't know what sort of pressure you were
under, when you said that to me?  And I hit you...  No mother wants
to treat her children that way.  I am sorry as well."  We'd hugged
and both of us had cried a little - and we'd made a decent effort at
staring the mending of that busted-up fence.

As the days went on I found myself getting re-acquainted with my
mother, and it was wonderful, for both of us.  We took walks and ate
lunch every day on the deck regardless of the chill factor.  We
talked, a lot - about all sorts of things.  We even talked a little
about Samantha.  And we talked about Scully, and the stress and pain
of her illness.

Of course I was missing Scully horribly but both of us needed this
time to ourselves.  Scully was receiving massive doses of tender
mom-care; I had spoken to Maggie Scully once and she'd assured me 
that my partner was behaving herself.

"Yes, Fox - I promise you Dana is doing everything the doctors told
her.  She's getting lots of rest and taking vitamin supplements, and
her appetite has improved greatly.  She goes for a short walk every
morning even though she still tires very quickly.  I'm taking her for
a check-up this afternoon."  Her reassuring words put a big smile on
my face and I'd thanked her profusely for letting me know.  Scully
had still been asleep when I'd called but I had spoken to her the day
before, and although our conversation had been brief I had come away
from it feeling so much better about our future, both personal and
professional.  

My mother had entered the room just as I'd hung up from speaking to
Maggie Scully, and at her inquiring look I had told her about the
conversation.  Mom had smiled and sat down next to me on the sofa,
and patted my hand.

"I'm so glad she's going to be all right, Fox.  I know how much she
means to you."  That comment had surprised me and my face must have
shown it, because my mother smiled again and squeezed my hand.

"I may be getting older and need glasses, but I'm not blind, Dear! 
Your feelings for Dana have always been fairly obvious to me.  I used
to wonder if you would ever become more than partners, for the caring
between you was always a tangible thing.  I guess that's why I seemed
so cool and distant around Lillian... I suppose I couldn't understand
why you were with her when you could be with Dana.  Close your jaw,
Fox..."  

For my mouth had dropped open at her soft words.  I managed
to snap my teeth together as brief flashes of that last visit here,
with Lilly, came to the forefront of my memory.  My mother had been
cool, to say the least - actually she had bordered on impolite.  
I never could figure out why; I had made some sort of vague excuse 
to Lilly centering around my mother's menopausal tendencies.  As 
soon as I remembered that excuse on her behalf, Mom's next remark 
floored me anew.

"I suppose you told Lillian I was suffering from menopause... Oh,
you did, didn't you!  Lord, Son!"  She'd seen the sheepish look 
on my face, and had tinkled out a delighted laugh, before impulsively 
reaching out and hugging me.  I'd hugged back, and then clung to her 
like a little boy, soaking in the comforting feel of her arms and 
the powdery scent of her rosewater talc.  Mom had rubbed my back and 
her chuckle was rich in my ear.

"It's okay, Fox - I don't mind.  Really, I don't.  Truth be told, I
am sure menopause may have been responsible for some of my attitude
at that time.  But part of it was my feeling that you were just
settling, Fox - and nobody should ever, ever have to settle."  Mom
had pulled away a little and had looked into my eyes - and for a
moment I saw a cloud pass over hers - a memory of something in
her past that I was sure she would never share with me.  I suddenly
knew with certainty that she was speaking from experience... and I
also knew she wouldn't tell me more.  My eyes must have revealed some
bit of sympathy, for she shook her finger in my face and her tone was
bracing and firm.

"No, we are NOT going to go there.  It's in the past, Son - and
that's where it will stay.  You came here to heal a bit, I think - to
clear your mind and regain a little of what you think you may have
lost, between us.  But Fox," she framed my face in her warm hands
and stared into my damp eyes, "Though we may have had our differences 
in the past I want you to know there was never a moment when I blamed 
you, for anything - and I have always loved you, so much.  I have
always wanted the best for you.  Your friend Lillian was not the 
best, for you. But Dana is, Fox - she is.  Don't waste any more
time."  My mother had sighed and the smile on her face slipped just a
little as she added, "It's a precious thing, this life we are given - 
very few people make the most of it.  I never did - and I would like 
to think I raised you to be a lot smarter than me."

I remembered that illuminating conversation between Mom and me, as I
stood on the deck and snuggled her under my arm while we both sipped
strong black coffee.  I looked down at my mother and marveled at what
a lovely woman she was; how pretty she looked with the wind blowing
through her soft white hair and the rosy cheeks which owed nothing to
artifice.  In her youth Mom had been breathtaking - and age had
blurred her edges somewhat but had rendered her no less beautiful.  I
hugged her to me and pressed a kiss on her forehead, and Mom hugged
me back, then looked up into my face with gentle, knowing eyes.

"You're ready to head back soon, aren't you?  It's been well over a
week... I'd say it's now or never, Son.  Dana has had some time to
think things over, and so have you.  I know you're not completely
sure how she feels about you... but personally I think you have
nothing to worry about."  Moving out from under my arm, Mom took my
free hand and led me back into the warmth of the kitchen, dumping our
empty mugs in the sink.  We walked into the living room together and
I faced this wonderful woman who had given birth to me and had lived
through the most difficult and painful times; who'd always been
generous with her advice and who'd loved me even though at times I'd
felt that no one cared.  She wasn't an easy woman to understand, but
for the first time in a lot of years I felt that our relationship was
healthy and more whole than it had ever been.  

I wound my arms around her and buried my face into her silky hair
and murmured, "I love you so much, Mom."  Her return embrace was 
fierce and lasted a long time, as she whispered to me in a raspy 
little voice.

"I love you too, Fox.  Now, let's get you home and started on your
new and improved life... okay?"

"Okay..."

*******************
~ Chapter Eleven ~


Three days ago I had re-declared my independence when I left my
mother's home to return to my own.  Of course, I didn't come home
empty-handed.  My freezer was crammed with at least a dozen plastic
containers filled with Mom's home cooking.  I had fallen asleep on
the sofa and awoke a couple of hours later to find the late afternoon
sun slanting through the windows.  Flipping through a magazine I was
idly trying to decide whether or not I wanted to heat up some of
Mom's meat sauce in the microwave to have as a late lunch when I was
startled by a soft knocking on my door.

Mulder.

He'd been in Connecticut for almost two weeks. When we spoke on the
telephone yesterday, he had not mentioned that he would be home
today.  But I knew that knock and I knew he was standing on the other
side of the door.  My stomach was churning nervously and as I walked
toward the door, I silently chided myself for my foolishness.  This
man had been my partner and best friend for five years now, I
reminded myself.

Taking a calming breath, I swung the door open to find him lounging
against the door frame.  Black jeans, white T-shirt, black leather
jacket.  God... The nerves were back.  His eyes roamed over my face
for a long moment, as if he was trying to memorize the way I looked -
then that intense gaze slid down over the soft flannel pajamas I was
wearing, lingering on my bare feet until my toes curled into the
carpeting.  Slowly his eyes traveled back up to my face.

"Hi," he murmured.  I took a step back to allow him to move through
the open doorway.

"Hi," I said back.  My heart was pounding; in that moment I
despaired of ever being able to act normally around him again. 
Mulder nudged the door with his foot and as it swung shut he stepped
so close to me that our bodies were almost touching. I had to tip my
head all the way back so that I could see him.  Right into my
personal space, as usual... I didn't mind at all.  Mulder leaned down
into me and for a second, I thought he was going to kiss me.  My
heart began to thud even harder than before.  

Instead, he banded his arms around my hips and lifted me from the
floor.  I wanted to wrap my legs around his waist and tangle my
fingers in his thick hair, but I did neither, worried it would be
construed as a bit too aggressive.  Instead I twined my arms about
his neck and buried my face under his chin, seeking some kind of
reassurance.  Slowly he swung me back and forth, holding me very
close.  We said nothing during those long moments of our embrace; I
felt my racing heart slow and my nervousness disappear within the
circle of his arms.

When I felt his grip on me shift, I leaned back so I could see into
his face.  His eyes searched every inch of me and for the second
time, I was struck by the intensity of his gaze.  I opened my mouth
and pulled in a deep lungful of air but as my lips began to form his
name he shook his head and lowered me back to the floor.

"Shhh," he whispered... and when he leaned toward me again, I knew
this time he was going to kiss me.  I watched him move closer and my
eyelids fluttered shut at the first soft touch of his mouth on mine. 
My breath escaped me on a tiny sigh as he caught my upper lip between
his.  I felt his fingers tighten on my hips as our mouths made
contact and I let my hands slide away from his neck to settle on the
sleeves of his leather jacket.

Mulder's lips were as warm as I'd remembered; I hadn't realized how
much I'd longed for them until he rubbed his mouth lightly, teasingly
over mine. My breath caught in my throat when he moved his attentions
to my lower lip, his mouth gently tugging.  I trembled and pressed
closer to him.  Abandoning my mouth to bury his lips against the
sensitive flesh below my ear, his caress was already causing havoc
and he'd barely begun... I tried to gather my scattered thoughts.

"Mulder," I pleaded.  He shook his head and quickly moved back to
cover my lips with his own.  Once again I lost myself in him, feeling
my lips part when his tongue touched the corner of my mouth; I moaned
softly, encouragingly.  But he seemed determined to take his time.

Time, I thought.  Maybe we should take more time.  I must have said
it out loud, because he slid his mouth up to my forehead and formed a
smile there.

"Don't you think five years is long enough?" he rumbled against my
temple.  His fingers were slowly, gently stroking the soft flannel
covering my hips; his touch, combined with the low timbre of his
voice caused me to nestle my hips closer to his.  It had been so
long... too long. I didn't want to think anymore, I just wanted to
feel.  Feel his lips moving over mine, feel the strength of his arms
wrapped around me.  Feel the tiny tremors wracking his frame every
time I responded to his advances.  But yet, I had to know.  My
feelings for him were overwhelming and I had to be certain his
feelings for me were more than just a reaction to the grief and
anguish he'd suffered through my illness - or a joyful celebration of
my miraculous recovery.  The low rasp in my ear confirmed it.

"I don't want to wait any longer." At those words my heart began to
pound and I turned my head, instinctively seeking his mouth.

"I don't want to wait either," I whispered against his lips.  "But
you spent almost three of those years with Lillian..."  He sighed in
acknowledgment of my words and framed my face between his hands.  His
hazel eyes were openly honest.

"I wanted to love her," he admitted.  "But I didn't.  I couldn't." 
His thumbs were sweeping across my cheekbones as he spoke.  "Lilly is
a wonderful person and she's everything I ever thought I wanted," he
sighed softly.  "But what I've learned - what I know - is that I was
put on this earth to love you, Scully."  The line of his mouth was
solemn but the corners of his eyes crinkled in a tiny smile.  He
whispered, so softly I had to strain to hear him.

"I almost lost you," the words were hushed and reverent.  "And it
was killing me."  His eyes fastened on mine and I couldn't look away.
"I love you, Scully," he vowed.  "I could never commit to Lillian or
any other woman, because you are the only person I want to be with." 
His shoulders lifted in a shrug but his eyes were beseeching me to
accept his words... to return his love.

Oh, Mulder...  I could feel the sting of tears behind my half-closed
lids; his emotional declaration just undid me.

I cupped my hand around the back of his neck and let my fingers sink
in the thick softness of his hair as I rose up on my toes and sought
his mouth, this time with that aggression I'd squelched earlier.

"I love you," I whispered into his mouth a second before my kiss
deepened; his breath caught on a gasp, inhaling my words, drawing
them deep inside.  Breaking our kiss, his arms wrapped around my hips
and again he lifted me from the floor.  This time I let myself go,
smiling when I wrapped my legs around his waist and fisted my hands
in his hair.  This time, when our lips met, I felt the probe of his
tongue as he outlined the curve of my lips.  He tried to seal his
mouth over mine, but I resisted, suddenly playful; I licked my own
tongue along the satiny lining of his lower lip, where I thought he
might be sensitive.  Apparently I had chosen well... 

"Scully," he moaned.  "Please..." His arms tightened convulsively
around me and his mouth closed possessively over mine.  Oh God, I
thought - what did I ever do to deserve this?  A miracle bringing me
back from the brink of death... wasn't that more than any person
could ask for?  

And now... this man was here in my home, in my arms - where I'd
wanted him to be... he was telling me that he loved me, the way I'd
prayed he'd do.  Not only that... he was showing me that he loved me.
I felt tears prick the back of my eyes.

How lucky I was...

When his tongue swept into my mouth all rational thought fled.  I
couldn't think... I could only feel. This, I remembered; it had been
the heady stuff of many a dream when I'd lain in my hospital bed
counting the hours remaining of my life.  The press of his arms
around my hips - the hardness of his muscled stomach between my
legs...  The silky feel of his tongue as he explored my mouth,
flicking over the soft skin lining my cheeks, scraping along the row
of my teeth.  Too long, I'd wanted this - I moaned to him as I
stroked my own tongue against his, feeling a shudder rock through him.

"God... it's been too long, Mulder..."  His shaky reply melted me
right into his skin.

"I know, baby... Jesus.  I know." 

My hands slipped from his hair to his shoulders and I buried my
fingers in the soft leather of his jacket.  Skin; I had to have his
skin.  "Mulder," I muttered against his mouth, "take off your coat." 
I pushed ineffectually against the leather covering his torso and he
shrugged his shoulders, trying to help me, but my legs were wrapped
around his waist and his big hands were cupping my bottom, hampering
our efforts.  At his smothered groan I reluctantly loosened the vice-
like grip of my legs around him and managed to reach the carpet with
my toes.  Mulder's lips blindly sought mine as we hurriedly pushed
his jacket to the floor, as unwilling as I was to let go even for a
second.

Winding an arm around my waist, he drew me closer as we broke the
passionate kiss.  His free hand stroked over my hair in a familiar
rhythm as we both tried to control our breathing.  Mulder looked
across the room as if undecided, then attempted to lead me to the
sofa. I dug my toes into the carpet and shook my head.  I wanted it
to be just right... I looked over my shoulder and grasped his hand,
urging him toward my bedroom.  Mulder lifted his eyes to follow the
direction of my gaze and then he looked down at me questioningly.

"Are you sure?" he asked gently.  I nodded and lifted his hand to my
mouth.

"I don't want to wait any longer," I said, repeating the words he
had spoken only moments earlier.  He smiled and his lips brushed over
my nose; my head fell back under his tender caress.  We intertwined
our hands again, Mulder walking just behind me as we moved into my
bedroom.  When we reached the open doorway, he stopped and pulled me
back into his arms.  I met his heated stare, feeling suddenly unsure
again.  Was it really going to happen, this time?  I suppose I needed
more reassurance.  My eyes pleaded with him.

"Kiss me," I said, begging for - demanding the feel of his mouth
again.  "Kiss me so I know this is really happening." My hands linked
behind his head and I strained up on my toes to reach him.  Mouths
joined, arms clamped around each other, bodies pressed close, Mulder
stepped forward as I backed across the room.  My legs bumped into the
bed; scrambling backwards I moved toward the mound of pillows at the
headboard and Mulder followed me on hands and knees.  Predatory,
stalking - urgent.  I found myself breaking out into a hot flush,
wondering if I would survive the burn I saw in his darkened eyes. 

God, I hoped so...

I lay back against the pillows and Mulder stretched out next to me. 
Propped up on one elbow, he stroked his hand from the crown of my
head to the top of my thigh.  I rolled onto my side, seeking more of
him; shuddering as his fingers slipped below the elastic waistband of
my pajamas.  The tiny hairs on my body stood on end when he trailed
his nails over the small of my back.  I grabbed hold of his soft tee
shirt and hung on.

His fingers slipped out of my pajama bottoms and he closed his hand
gently around my throat, tilting my face up to his.  He sketched a
path down my throat and he was still holding my gaze with his own
when his fingers popped open the first button of my pajama top.  I
licked my lips and drew in an unsteady breath as he carefully slid
the second button free of its hole.  His hand stole inside the
opening he had created, brushing his knuckles between my breasts as
he moved to unbutton the rest of my shirt.  I couldn't stop
shivering.  

Mulder's strong fingers closed around the open edges of my shirt and
tried to push it from my shoulders - but I was suddenly aware of the
sunlight spilling over the bed. I found myself wishing for the cover
of darkness, knowing with a sinking ego the inadequacies of my own
body.  Under my mother's watchful eye, I had gained back a few of the
pounds that I'd lost over my long illness, but I was abruptly
reminded of all of the changes in me.  I thought of my ribcage
visible through the skin stretched tightly over it... of the new bras
I had purchased in a smaller size than I normally wore.

I wanted to be beautiful for the man I loved.  I wanted my breasts
to fill his palms and I wanted his hand to skim over the rounded
smoothness of my hips.  I stayed Mulder's hands, sliding my own under
his T-shirt.  Pushing the soft cotton up his chest... tugging it over
his head; letting it float to the floor next to the bed.  I had
settled my palms against his warm skin when Mulder again pulled at
the collar of my pajama top. I looked at him and shook my head,
fighting the tears swelling under my lids.  His eyes were soft and
compelling.

"I want to see you," he said huskily.  I folded the edges of my
pajamas over my breasts and held it closed with my fist, unprepared
to reveal myself.  I had never felt so insecure in my life.

"No, Mulder," I pleaded.  "I look..." I breathed in deeply. "I look
awful," I told him honestly.  Mulder rubbed his fingers over the hem
of my shirt and eyed me thoughtfully, then gave me a tiny negative
shake of his head.

"Nah," he said.  "Never - not my Scully... you're beautiful."  But I
knew that he understood and accepted that my painfully thin body
embarrassed me, when his fingers eased beneath my shirt to lightly
caress my stomach - content for the moment to touch without seeing. 
I heaved a sigh of relief, feeling myself relax a little.

Once again, I lay back against the pillows and this time Mulder
stretched his body over mine, pushing me into the rumpled bedcovers. 
The weight of him along my body felt amazing... He propped himself on
his elbows and slid his hands under my head, holding me steady for
his lingering kiss.  With the pressure lifted of having to undress
completely, I could enjoy his attentions and respond with abandon. 
My tongue curled around his and we trading kiss after lazy kiss as
the dust motes danced in the sun streaming over us.  I felt his
breathing quicken when I arched my hips into his, my own breath
escaping me in a gasp as his mouth settled into the damp hollow at
the base of my throat.  His tongue darted out and he traced a careful
pattern over my flesh.

"Mulder... Mulder..." I whispered his name over and over while he
trailed his lips over my collarbone.  Nudging the edges of my pajamas
aside with his nose, his mouth moved onto the upper swell of my
breast.  And when Mulder's exploration caused the left side of my
pajamas to fall away from my body, I let it.  I knew it was silly,
but I found a sense of confidence in allowing him glimpses of my body
while still hiding behind the security of warm flannel.  His knuckles
brushed over my other breast, teasing the nipple into hardness and
stroking over the soft skin on the underside.  When his lips closed
delicately over me I gasped and sank my fingers into his hair,
holding him close as he licked and nibbled my tender flesh.  He
pressed a final gentle kiss into the tip of my breast and then
dragged his tongue between them.  

Rising up on his elbow Mulder studied the glistening wetness left on
my skin from his kisses.  His fingers skated down the quivering flesh
of my abdomen and tangled in the waistband of my pajama bottoms, now
urgent.  His head moved down to rest against my waist and his command
was muffled in the flannel covering my stomach. 

"Lift your hips," he murmured; trembling, I obeyed.  He skimmed the
soft flannel down my legs and tossed it over the side of the bed to
join his T-shirt on the floor.  His mouth was roving over my stomach,
placing careful kisses on my hipbones as his hands slid behind my
thighs.  My breath caught in my throat and burst out in a trembling
gasp when I felt the damp heat of his breath between my legs. His
tongue slipped out to touch me through the cotton barrier...

I wound my fingers into his hair as his mouth moved over me in the
softest of kisses.  Even with the material of my panties separating
us, I had never felt anything so wonderful... Trembling, I pulled at
his shoulders until he finally lifted his head.  Locking my eyes on
his, I cupped his shoulders between my hands and pulled him toward
me, running my hands over his bare flesh, tracing the biceps that
were bulging under the weight of his body.  When I pushed against his
shoulders Mulder rolled onto his back, pulling me along with him
until I was sprawled out over his long body... We were both out of
breath, his hitching under the cheek I rested over his thundering
heart.  I stayed there until I felt our pulses slow to a normal rate.

"Do you believe that love can heal?" I whispered as my fingers toyed
with the sparse hair sprinkled over his chest.  I could sense his
surprise at my words; I pushed myself up and sat back on his thighs,
regarding him seriously.

"I believe it," I told him.  I twined my fingers with his trying to
put my thoughts into words while he carefully watched my face.

"This chip..." I lifted one hand to the back of my neck.  "This chip
may be the scientific explanation for my remission," I murmured. 
"But, Mulder, it was love that led you to find it... for me.  And it
was love that made me take a chance on it... for you."  He drew in a
breath and blinked at me when I leaned forward to kiss away the tear
that was slowly tracking its way down his cheek.  I stayed there a
moment longer... 

"That's the real miracle, Mulder," I whispered against his skin,
adding, "I love you." My mouth spoke the words but my hands told him
as well, moving to the silver button of his jeans; popping it open -
closing thumb and forefinger around the metal tab of the zipper. 
Mulder's hand covered mine and together we carefully slid the zipper
down its track. He lifted his hips at my silent urging and I wiggled
the worn denim down his legs, taking a layer of shorts, socks and
sneakers with them. 

I could only stare at what I'd revealed, seeing the familiar planes
of his body but in a way I'd never known before.  So beautiful, this
aroused male reclining against my pillows... 

"Come back," he said in a low voice; eagerly I crawled toward him,
draping myself over his body.  Now it was my lips that traced a path
down his chest, my tongue that curled over the pebbled hardness of
the nipples hiding in his chest hair - and it was he who shivered and
sighed my name as I let my lips and tongue and hands worship his
body.  And his flesh tasted so good under my lips and tongue - his
body felt so right under my hands.

"Mulder, I don't want to waste any more time," I sighed into the
hair-roughened flesh of his belly.  Suddenly, I wanted to pour my
heart out to him.  "What I learned over the last few months is that
life is precious and that you are the most precious thing in my life.
I won't take that for granted again," I vowed.  

"Neither will I, Scully - I promise you.  Please... I can't wait any
longer."  The hunger on his face... it was eating me alive.  He
hooked his hands into the waistband of my cotton panties, dragging
them off in one smooth jerk.  Still clad in my pajama top, I set my
hands down on Mulder's chest and rose over him.  As he locked his
fingers on my hips his eyes fastened on mine. Drawing in a deep
breath, I took him into my body.  

Slowly... slowly, his flesh pierced mine.  My tongue darted out to
wet suddenly dry lips. It felt wonderful...  Mulder's head rose from
the pillow and he closed his mouth over mine, his tongue slipping
moistly between my lips, nourishing me, filling me even as he lifted
his hips to slide deeper into me.  He fell back and I followed him
down, drawing his lower lip between mine, worrying the line of his
teeth with my tongue.  When we broke apart his lips closed over my
neck, against the gold cross nestled in the hollow of my throat.  The
tender gesture tore at my heart and I wrapped my arms around his
shoulders, my fingers twining into his hair.

Never had anything felt so good... so right.  I wanted more - I was
eager for more.  More of this man entwined around me, within me. 
Filling me in all of the places that had been so empty and so
lonely... lonely for him, I realized.  Only him.

Setting a languid, lazy pace, I rose and fell on him, allowing every
small sensation to bathe me as he pressed within my body.  Deep, then
deeper... soft yet hard, the thrusts we gave to each other.  I wanted
it to last forever...

Mulder's hands stole under my shirt to skim over the damp skin of my
shoulders, causing me to arch under his touch.  I rocked over him,
picking up the pace as the tension built and grew.  His breathing was
harsh and he buried his face against my neck.  I curled my fingers
around his shoulders and began to move over him with more speed and
deeper motions.  I could feel my orgasm building and building - just
out of reach - and Mulder was gasping my name with every downward
thrust of my body.  I could tell he was close, but my legs were
trembling and my heart was pounding so hard - out of control.  I was
panting, unable to draw a deep breath.

"Scully," he groaned as he ground his hips into mine.  "God,
Scully... I'm gonna... are you..?"  He fought to hold steady as he
waited for me.  I was sobbing with every breath, desperately reaching
for completion, but my body betrayed me.  Still so weak and tired -
my movements were growing clumsy and disjointed.

"I can't," I finally gasped as I slumped against him.  "I'm sorry,"
I sobbed.  "I just... I can't."  I buried my face against his sweaty
shoulder and beat my fists against the mattress in frustration. 
Mulder ran his hands in big sweeping motions over my back, calming
me, soothing me, even as his heart continued to thunder against my
chest and even as his hips pulsed involuntarily into me.

He set his hands onto my hips and held on gently as he pulled away
from me; I whimpered at the long, wet slide of his body from mine and
clutched him tightly in my arms.  His penis lay heavy and hot against
my stomach, his breath catching in his throat as he fought to calm
himself.

"Gimme a minute," he groaned.  My eyes teared up at the strain I
could hear in his husky voice.  I curled myself into a little ball
atop his body and buried my face in his neck.

"I'm so sorry.  I'm just too... tired," I admitted in defeat. 
Mulder shook his head and held me close.

"Don't be sorry," he replied softly.  "We've got all the time in the
world."  His fingers gently pushed the damp hair from my face,
lingering against my wet cheeks.  The love in his tone brought a
trembling smile to my lips.  I turned my mouth into his palm and
placed a kiss there.

"Okay."

******************

In the silence of her room Scully lay on me and fought to catch her
breath, and I struggled to get my own needs under control, enough to
give her the time she needed.  Maybe she was pushing it; I think we
both were.  Her small body was feather-light on my chest, solid
evidence of the weight she had lost.  I soothed my hands over her
flannel-covered back, feeling the dampness of perspiration there. 
She had expended more energy than she'd had to sacrifice, I knew.  I
gently slid my hands underneath her top and started to ease it from
her body, and Scully tensed.

"No... please, Mulder.  I'm not... my body..."  I shushed her
halting words and continued to pull carefully at her top, until I had
worked it from her shoulders. I tossed it to the floor and pressed
her bare torso down against mine, adoring the way her baby soft skin
felt.  I walked my fingers up her sides and refused to count those
birdlike ribs, choosing instead to focus on how perfect Scully felt
in my arms - remembering anew my awe at discovering that she loved me
the way I loved her.  I could feel her trembling and the face she had
buried in my neck was no doubt flushed pink.  I couldn't pretend to
understand why she would think I'd care how her body looked right
now, when all that mattered was the fact that she'd beaten terrible
odds and had come back to me.  That's what was important; that's what
was priceless to me.  I kept my touch soothing and adoring,
determined to make her understand.

"Shh, Scully... listen.  Listen to your heart beating; can you hear
it?  Your heart - beating in your sweet chest; it means you're alive,
Scully.  In my arms and alive and safe and so, so loved.  You could
never be anything less than perfect to me... never.  I'm holding my
universe, right here - right now.  It's exactly what I want and
everything I need."  She stared down into my eyes with tears standing
in her pretty eyes, and when my voice rumbled to a stop and I pressed
a kiss into her throat she swallowed against my mouth and her small
sob fluttered on my lips.  

"Oh, Mulder... it means so much to me that you think that way. I
don't know what to say - what to do..."  I smiled against her throat
and pressed a final kiss there, then carefully I eased our positions
until she lay beneath me.  The few minutes of rest had calmed me
enough that I could now last longer, and I think Scully just needed a
great deal of patience and lots of tender loving care.

It was my pleasure and privilege to give her both...  My words of
adoration were whispered right into her mouth in the hopes they'd
reach her soul in the most expedient manner.

"You don't have to say anything, baby.  You don't have to do
anything more strenuous than to relax, and let me take care of you -
let me show you."

I brushed the damp tangled hair from her eyes and whispered to her
to close each one, waiting until she obeyed.  As soon as she had
relaxed, I leaned over her and let one hand trace a tender path over
her, caressing skin so soft my hand seemed to melt into her.  My
mouth followed my hand and scattered random kisses over her shoulders
and down her arms.  And as I kissed, I told Scully what was in my
heart.

"Did I ever tell you how soft you are, Scully?  How utterly silky
and soft.  I used to yearn to touch you this way - learning your
skin; acquainting myself with every inch of you.  I used to yearn all
the time."  I opened my mouth over one dainty nipple and felt a
shudder rock her frame as I kissed her there.  Sipping at the tender
skin and re-learning her, now without any barrier of clothing between
us.  And I scolded her softly, "Never hide yourself from me, for any
reason, Scully... don't you know how exquisite you are... how much I
adore you?"  I stared down into her eyes, willing her to accept and
to believe.  When her bottom lip trembled into a tiny smile, I knew
she was beginning to see my viewpoint.  I sighed against the slope of
her breast and pressed her down into the bed-sheets, taking my own
sweet time with Scully.

Gently, so gently... I found myself loving the slowness of it, the
prolonged re-building of desire.  The sunlight streaming in the
bedroom window cast her face into a thing of such pure beauty, the
translucence of her flawless skin played up by the bright day. On the
pillow her hair skeined out in a red tangle; I lifted a handful of it
to my face and rubbed my cheek on it - and heard her actually purr.

God... I'd made Scully purr. I loved the way she reacted to me but I
was determined to make her growl, and scream - preferably my name.

I had decided that nothing less would satisfy me...

I abandoned her hair and kissed my way down over her delicate ribs
and tiny waist until I reached hipbones that jutted a little too
much, from the weight she'd lost.  I stroked those sharp little bones
with reverent fingers; they were Scully's hips... and they were just
right for me.  I slipped my hands under her thighs and eased them
apart, my entire body tightening at the easy way she opened for me. 
And I leaned my cheek against her soft, damp curls and rested there,
sighing into her skin when her fingers twined themselves into my hair
and held me.  I could rest there forever, I thought; rest my face
against the very heart of my lover.  I turned my head a little and
found my lips were in the best position to kiss her, deeply.  Where
I'd wanted to kiss, for so very long - 

Scully shivered.  Under my tongue she shivered and sighed and
moaned... and when I sent one tiny nip into her taut flesh she arched
off the bed and her sob was thick and raw.  "Mulder... God!  Don't
stop. Please..."  I nodded and let my tongue burrow deep; driving her
further and harder, wanting her to be on the absolute edge when I
finally covered her body with mine and thrust all the way home.  It
didn't take very much; Scully had been riding that cliff long enough
and she was ready for me when I released her and moved up her body,
between her thighs and positioning myself to slip inside.  I pushed
my hands under her shoulders and locked my mouth to hers, as her body
absorbed me once more.  I took my time and eased myself inside, and
the way she surrounded me was the closest to heaven I think I'd ever
come. 

Sweet... Jesus, so sweet.  At this slow a pace I could feel her
clinging to every inch, bathing me in her loving heat.  It was
amazing the way we fit each other.   When I had filled her
completely, I held very still for a moment, loathe to move.  She felt
so good... who needed to move?  I leaned over her on my forearms and
my hands cradled her head as I groaned out those very words.

"So good, Scully - you feel so good..."  I left my eyes open as I
kissed her and so did she as she kissed me back, and I adored the way
she curled her tongue over mine and left no corner of my mouth
neglected.  I began a careful, slow thrust and she held on,
trembling, trying to match my movements.  I urged, "No, Scully, shh,
stay still, 'kay?  Let me - I wanna do it all, for you... let me." 
She nodded and relaxed her legs.  Her head fell back into the pillows
and those blue eyes burned into mine as I made slow love to her.

If on some future day I was ever asked to describe loving Dana
Scully I would find myself able to utter one word only... perfection.
The easy slowness of our joining enabled me to experience every
nuance of flesh within flesh; it was incredible.  The velvet clasp of
her all around me, the way her hands pressed fiercely into my back
and the broken sighs that echoed in my ear as I slipped deeper -

Perfect.  

To think I might never have known this, if I'd lost her... the mere
thought of it made me choke with emotion and I swallowed the lump
that was forming in my throat.  I buried my face into her neck and
opened my mouth against the pulse that beat strongly, proclaiming her
a survivor - and as my movements intensified and I felt the delicious
pressure build, I pushed a hand between us and touched her gently,
rubbing tenderly... groaning when she suddenly clenched hard as her
orgasm took her over.  Her low scream was sweet to hear; a soft sound
but most definitely a scream.  I felt absurdly proud to know I'd made
her scream, however softly... I covered her mouth with mine and drank
that sound right in.  As the last of her shudders ebbed I felt my own
beginning... unlike anything I'd ever experienced before.  As if it
was my first time - intense and aching, almost painful... almost
enough to make me lose consciousness.  It lasted forever and it was
way too short - and I knew I'd never be satisfied with anything else.
It had to be Scully... only she could give this wondrous experience
to me.  It had always been her, always.  

"Oh, Scully oh Jesus love you love you..."  

Long minutes later I became aware enough to realize that I had
collapsed against her and most of my weight was crushing her into the
mattress.  Every muscle in my body felt strung out from the force of
my climax and I could barely move.  I managed to slide sideways,
enough to afford Scully some breathing room; I turned us both on our
sides and pressed her close, still joined with her.  I watched her
lift eyes gone heavy with sudden weariness; saw the love shining from
them - and was humbled by it.  We shared kisses of such tenderness,
gentle touches from lips already swollen from an abundance of the
passion we'd shared just minutes before.  Scully's heart pounded
against me, proof that she'd probably overdone it.  I felt my own
heart thudding in response and I took several deep breaths as I
cuddled her closer.  She sighed into my shoulder, then yawned
sleepily.

"Sorry... sleepy.  I feel so good, though... warm. Loved.  And it's
been a long, long time since I've felt this loved, Mulder - this
cherished... in fact, this may be a first, in a way - for me."  Her
voice trailed off into a tiny mumble as she yawned again.  I smiled
against her hair and put a hand underneath her chin, lifting her face
for my kiss.  She tasted delicious.  I kissed her deeply, my tongue
gliding inside her mouth with languid thoroughness, as we lay
entwined on the rumpled sheets.  Finally I pulled away and kissed
each of her eyelids closed.

"Sleep, Scully - you need to rest.  Just lay here in my arms and let
yourself drift, okay?  I'm not going anywhere."  Her drowsy retort
made me chuckle, even as the tightening of her narrow center made me
groan a second later.

"Damn straight you're not going anywhere, Mulder... I've got you
trapped.  Stay inside, kay?  Stay there, while we sleep.  I like the
way it feels."  I nodded and maneuvered us into a more comfortable
position.  As her body grew limp in my embrace and her breathing
deepened in slumber I ran my fingers rhythmically through her hair,
soothing us both.  My eyes were growing so heavy but I didn't want to
waste a minute sleeping while I was holding her - didn't want to miss
out on a thing.  Finally I couldn't stay awake any longer and I let
myself relax as well; let myself doze.  Before sleep took me over
completely I managed to pull part of the bedclothes over us,
cocooning us in warmth.  I whispered my adoration into her ear and
she mumbled in reply an almost-incoherent, "Love you back, so
much..."  

Sated through and replete with the emotions we'd shared, Scully and
I slept.

****************

~ Epilogue ~

Three Months Later

I crammed the coffee mug into the bottom of the cardboard box and
pulled open the center drawer of my desk.  Digging through the pens
and paper clips, business cards and other office paraphernalia, I
threw some things into the box and others into the overflowing trash
can beside me.  I stuffed my hand into the drawer and rooted around,
pulling toward me all of the items that had been shoved into the
back.  I crumbled up several old receipts with one hand and tossed
them as well.  Tugging at a small pile of papers that were caught in
the corner of the drawer, I started to sort through them, scanning
each page before throwing it away.  I stopped near the bottom of the
pile and sank down into my seat, holding out an object that had
caught my attention.

It was a photograph - taken of Fox and me by a photographer at the
small dinner club where he'd taken me dancing on our weekend trip to
Boston to celebrate my thirtieth birthday.  I drew in a ragged breath
as my fingers traced over our images in a happier time, captured on
film forever.  I remembered that the photographer had stopped at our
table only moments after we had returned to our seats from the dance
floor.  Fox was tipping a bottle of champagne toward my empty glass
and I was smiling up at him.  Even in this profile shot, the sheer
look of love and joy on my face was evident.  Fox's face was more
sedate, his expression one of deep affection... so at odds with the
adoration on my own - it's a wonder that I never saw the difference
back then.  I knew that I hadn't wanted to see it.

Looking down at the picture, I felt a tug in the vicinity of my
heart but after three months, the pain was not as sharp.   I still
missed him... still thought of him often.  But it was easier to be
apart from him now.  I had begun to heal.  

I looked around the room at the bare walls and the cardboard box
close to overflowing with the personal effects accumulated over the
five years that I had been employed here.  This was another step in
the many I had taken to make changes in my life.  Some of the changes
were small ones...  a month ago I had cut my shoulder-length hair
into a short, stylish bob... and others were big ones.   A new job
awaited me across town with a company that designed web pages.  A
small firm with no more than twenty employees, they were looking for
a full-time accountant and had offered me the job.  I was eagerly
anticipating the move to a younger, more vibrant place to work.

Life goes on.

I glanced up at the sound of a gentle tapping on my door. 

"Come in," I called out.  The door swung open with a near-silent
whoosh and I smiled at the sight of the tall man lounging indolently
against the door-frame.

"Brian," I smiled.  "Come to say goodbye?" I asked.  Brian had
recently been named a partner in the firm and had been a good friend
to me in the years that we had worked together.  He smirked and
pushed away from the door as he stepped into my office.

"You're going to keep in touch, right?" he asked, lifting the coffee
mug out of the box on my desk and studying the design.  He looked up
with grin and I laughed lightly.

"Of course I will," I promised.  "I'll send you my new e-mail
address as soon as I know it.  And you have my home telephone
number," I reminded him.  Brian shook his head back and forth and
carefully set the mug back into the box.

"You know," he said in a slow and thoughtful voice.  "I was thinking
that you might like to go out to dinner some night," he suggested. 
"With me," he amended, in case I didn't understand his meaning.  My
gaze dropped to the picture that I was still clutching in my hands
and I studied it for a second or two before looking back up.  A lock
of dark blonde hair had fallen over his forehead, lending his face a
boyish charm and behind the perpetually teasing glint, his gray eyes
were soft and hopeful.

My first instinct was to say no.  I was still on the rebound...
still trying to get over Fox.  And Brian was a friend... a dear
friend.  I didn't want to ruin that.  But then I remembered a lesson
that I had recently learned... that sometimes the best of friends can
become the best of loves.  I pressed the photograph face down on the
desk, and nodded.

"I'd like that," I said softly... suddenly shy around him.  His
wistful expression disappeared under the force of the sudden grin
that wreathed his face.

"That's great!" he said enthusiastically.  "Are you busy tomorrow
night?"  So soon?  I panicked for a second or two and took a deep
breath to help clear my head.

"Tomorrow would be perfect," I said.  Simple words... perhaps
another new beginning.  Brian's grin grew even brighter if possible,
and he turned back to the door, hurrying before I had a chance to
change my mind.

"I'll pick you up around seven o'clock," he told me as he pulled the
door open.  I felt a tiny stirring of excitement at the thought of
going out on a date with Brian and I knew some of that exhilaration
showed in my eyes when I met his gaze with my own.

"Seven o'clock," I confirmed.  He lifted his hand and waggled his
fingers toward me as he stepped into the hallway and pulled the door
closed behind him.

I tucked the photograph into the box, careful not to crumple it.
"Goodbye Fox," I whispered as I settled the cardboard lid over the
edges of the box.

Life goes on. 

*********************

January... a new year, a new life.  I have been cancer free for
almost three months now.

I juggled a bag of groceries in one arm while I fumbled with my
keys, trying to unlock the door.  No wonder this door has been kicked
in so many times, I thought wryly - the lock was stubborn.  I finally
heard the tumblers slide back and the knob turned easily under my
hand.  I set my keys down on a small table inside the apartment and
nudged the door closed with my hip.  The only light in the room was
the soft blue-green glow of Mulder's aquarium.  I flipped on the
lights as I made my way toward the kitchen.

It was Friday and the end of the last week of the desk duty to which
we had been assigned while I recovered.  Mulder and I had spent the
week reading through half a dozen promising case files and practicing
at the firing range.  I had to re-qualify on my weapon before I could
officially return to field agent status and today I had passed the
qualification exam with flying colors.  While I had been waiting for
the instructor to finish tallying my score, I had turned around to
where I knew Mulder had been watching.

"Nice shooting, Agent Scully," he had said formally, but I could see
the mirth dancing in his eyes.  I grinned, unable to hide my
happiness.

"Thanks," I said.  "Looks like we're going back to work, Partner!" 
I pulled the protective goggles away from my face.  "So we'd better
decide which case we're going to investigate first."  I couldn't wait
to get back to work and I knew that Mulder was just as eager to get
out of that basement as I was.

"I'm going to go back to the office and grab the files so that we
can look them over this weekend," he told me.  He looked around the
room and reached out to quickly tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. 
"Why don't you take the rest of the afternoon off and get some rest? 
This is your last chance to goof off for a while," he reminded me.  

I glanced down at my watch and noted that it was nearly three
o'clock.  I wasn't tired, but he was right. Next week it would be
business as usual.  

"Okay," I said as we watched the instructor make his way toward us. 
A few minutes later we were pouring over the results of my
qualification test.

We had made our way out to the parking lot where my car was waiting
and I drove him back to the Hoover Building. "Mulder," I said as I
pulled into the garage.  "Why don't you pick up some wine on your way
home tonight?" I suggested.  

"Feel like celebrating?" he asked, climbing out of the car.  I
smiled and nodded happily.  Mulder grinned.  "I'll be home in a few
hours," he told me as he pushed the door closed.  I watched him lope
toward the elevators and waited until the doors had closed behind him
before I pulled away.

Home this weekend was Mulder's apartment.  I unloaded the groceries
from their bags and set them onto the counter.  Digging through the
cabinets, I dragged out a heavy skillet and a couple of pots.  While
I prepared dinner, I thought back to the first weekend we had spent
here.  

Mulder had pushed open the door to his bedroom and I had followed
him inside.  I had taken my overnight bag out of his hand and
unzipped it, pulling out a change of clothes and my makeup bag.  I
had looked up at Mulder expectantly and he crossed the room and
opened one of his bureau drawers.  His back stiffened and he
hurriedly pushed the drawer closed.

"Mulder?" I had asked as I moved toward him.  "What's wrong?"  He
had rubbed his fingers nervously over the smooth top of the bureau,
studying the whorls of the wood's grain as if it was the most
fascinating thing he had ever seen.  I reached out and touched him
with one hand.

"Mulder," I said softly.  He heaved out a sigh and pulled the drawer
open again.  I peered inside to find the source of his discomfort.  A
woman's blue sweater, some lacy under things, an unopened package of
pantyhose.  He had raised guilty eyes to mine and I rubbed my hand
reassuringly over his back.

"It's okay, Mulder," I said soothingly.  He shook his head violently
and looked around the room, grabbing a shopping bag that had been
folded up and tucked behind the bureau.

"No," he said.  "I forgot... with everything that's happened, I
thought I had..." his voice trailed off and he began to shove the
items into the bag.  I had curled my hand around his forearm.

"Mulder," I had called to him softly, willing him to look at me. 
"It's okay," I repeated.  He nodded shortly but spent a few minutes
going through each room in the apartment, gathering up the things
that Lillian had left behind and placing them into the bag.  It
didn't take long and I couldn't help but wonder why, after almost
three years, there was so little evidence of her place in his life
and in his home.  

As I cut the chicken into small pieces and slid them into the
skillet with some olive oil, I remembered how Mulder had tucked the
bag into the corner of his closet.  I was still clutching my clothes
in my arms and when he returned to my side, he had taken the small
bundle of clothing away from me.  I expected him to fill the now
empty drawer with my things but he didn't.  Instead, he pushed that
drawer closed and pulled open another.  I had watched him shift some
of his own things around, and although it may have been silly, I had
been deeply moved by the sight of him making room for me in his life.
I had teared up, and Mulder had kissed those silly tears from my eyes
as he'd held me close.  

It seemed he always knew what to do, to bring out the emotional me -
and I found I liked it.  A lot.

I scooped the browning chicken from the pan and spooned it into the
pot of tomato sauce bubbling on the back burner then turned the flame
down to allow the chicken to simmer in the fragrant sauce.  Grabbing
some plates from the cabinet I began to set the table.  The chicken
would be ready in about thirty minutes and I only had to cook the
pasta and fix a salad.  Mulder would be home by then.  

Finished with the table, I went into the bedroom and began to strip
out of my work clothes.  I hung my suit up on a hanger and grabbed a
pair of jeans and a sweater from the bureau, dressing quickly. 
Pulling my hair into a ponytail, I studied my reflection in the
mirror.  A contented smile spread over my face as I looked at myself.
I had regained much of the weight I had lost and my hair was growing
thick and shiny again.  The sparkle in my eyes wasn't merely the
result of reclaiming my health.  My gaze traveled over the surface of
the bureau, noting the presence of my brush, two pairs of earrings
and a tube of lipstick scattered among Mulder's things and I
remembered that Mulder's toothbrush hung next to mine in the bathroom
of my apartment and that his sneakers were sloppily tossed onto the
floor of my closet next to a neatly marked stack of shoeboxes.  Our
lives were becoming irrevocably entwined and I liked it.  

I was tossing the salad when I heard Mulder's key in the lock
followed a few seconds later by his voice.

"I'm home," he called.  I mentally followed his movements by the
sounds he made as he tracked through the apartment.  Thwack! went the
keys as they bounced onto the small table near the door to land next
to my own set with a soft clicking noise.  A dull thud followed
closely by another was the sound of his shoes being toed off and
kicked under the table and the rustling noise was his overcoat being
tossed over the coat stand.  Then there was silence - but I knew he
was close because my heart began tripping in my chest.

"Mmmm," he said as he sidled up behind me and slid his arms around
my waist.  "Something smells good," he murmured, burying his face
against my neck and inhaling deeply.  I leaned my head against his
chest and crossed my arms in front of me, cupping his elbows in my
hands.

"Hi," I said and pulled his arms more tightly around me.  I closed
my eyes and took the time to enjoy the simplicity of the moment...
and I felt my love for him bubble over like the sauce dancing merrily
in the pot on the stove.

"I'm glad you're home," I told him as I turned in his arms and we
shared a tender kiss.  "Dinner is just about ready," I murmured
against his lips.  

There had been other nights when the very nearness of each other was
enough to drive us away from dinner or whatever movie we were
watching and into the bedroom.  And then there were other nights -
nights like this one - where we were content to simply enjoy each
other's company... share a meal... discuss work or our plans for the
weekend.  A normal life... I knew that's what Mulder had been looking
for with Lilly.  Just as I knew that what passed as normal for us
would be unrecognizable as such to others.  Yet we were careful to
carve out these small, simple moments away from the chaos of our
daily lives.

I began to spoon the chicken and sauce into a serving dish.  "Would
you drain the pasta?" I asked, nodding toward the other pot on the
stovetop.  We worked together quickly and easily and soon were
sitting down to eat.

"Everything is going to be different come Monday," I said, stabbing
a piece of chicken onto my fork.  Mulder took a sip of wine and
watched me over the rim of his glass.

"The biggest changes are behind us," he said matter-of-factly.  I
swallowed the bite of chicken and sampled the wine that Mulder had
poured into my glass.  Setting the wineglass down, I traced one
finger around the rim, lost in thought.  Mulder reached across the
table and covered my hand with his own.

"Hey," he said.  I looked up quickly at the note of concern in his
voice.  "You haven't changed your mind, have you?" I could see the
worry in the depths of his hazel eyes and the tiny crease forming
between his eyebrows.  I shook my head violently - hurrying to allay
his fears.

"Oh, no.  Mulder... no," I reassured him quickly.  "I'm not willing
to give you up... give us up," I told him as I laced my fingers with
his.  "I'm sorry," I sighed.  "I've been so happy lately... it makes
me nervous," I admitted.  "Sometimes I don't think I deserve to be so
happy, to have so much..." I shrugged, my voice trailing off
helplessly as I struggled to put my thoughts into words.

"Scully."  Mulder's voice was mildly chiding and he jiggled my
fingers with his own.  "After everything you've been through this
past year..." he paused, biting his lip hard for a moment.  When he
spoke again, tears stood in his eyes.  "No one deserves to be happy
more than you," he said hoarsely.  I swallowed past the huge lump in
my throat.

"We," I said softly.  "WE deserve to be happy, Mulder."  Mulder
smiled and lifted his glass, holding it across the center of the
table.  

"To being happy," he whispered.  I picked up my own glass and
touched it lightly against his, enjoying the tinkling sound the
glasses made as they clinked together.

"To being happy," I agreed.  Mulder lifted his fork and began eating
again.  I watched for a moment, enjoying the simple pleasure of
sitting across the table from him.  Aware of my watchful gaze, he
looked up at me expectantly.

"Scully," he scolded softly.  "We've gone over it a dozen times
already.  We're not going to hide our relationship from anyone - the
FBI, our enemies... Anyone who has a problem with our relationship -
we'll deal with it the way we always have... together."  I took a
deep breath and released it, along with my worries.  Mulder was
right; nothing could separate us now.  We had been searching for each
other all of our lives.  The love we had been looking for had been
right in front of us for five years.  There was no power in heaven or
on earth strong enough to rip him from my arms.  I would never let
him go.

We finished dinner and while Mulder was cleaning up, I took a quick
shower and changed into a pair of pajamas.  When I came back into the
living room, Mulder was sprawled out on one end of the couch.  He had
topped off our wineglasses and they were waiting on the coffee table.
I sat down next to him and snuggled under the arm that he draped over
my shoulder.  Mulder pulled the Mexican throw from the back of the
sofa and tucked it around our legs and we settled down to sip our
wine and watch television.

Midway through the news, Mulder gently pulled his arm from around my
shoulder.  "I'm going to hop into the shower," he told me as he
climbed to his feet.  He rearranged the blanket across my legs and
ran his hand over the crown of my head in a gentle caress.  When the
sports report began, I stood and took the empty wineglasses into the
kitchen.  Rinsing them out, I left them in the sink and then wandered
back into the living room to listen to the weather forecast for the
rest of the weekend.  Hmmm... a chance for snow.  I smiled at the
thought of being snowed in with Mulder and clicked the television
off.  I heard the squeak of the shower being shut off and I went into
the bedroom to begin getting ready for bed.

I was pulling the quilt to the bottom of the mattress when the
bathroom door opened and steam billowed out in a rolling cloud.  I
looked up to see Mulder walking into the bedroom, rubbing his wet
hair with a towel, a pair of pajama bottoms riding low on his hips. 
He stopped at the foot of the bed and I watched a bead of water drip
from the tip of his hair to roll slowly down his neck and onto his
shoulder.  My eyes tracked the path of that droplet... and I was
thirsty for a taste.  Unaware of my hungry perusal, Mulder raked his
fingers through his hair, sending a sprinkling of moisture onto his
torso, but my gaze was fixated on that first drop as it leisurely
made its way from his shoulder onto his chest, where it paused and
quivered on one of the flat nipples veiled in the smattering of hair
sprinkled over Mulder's chest.  How mesmerizing...

I had to have that drop of water.

I reached out and pulled him across the few inches that separated us
by the drawstrings knotted at the waistband of his pajamas.  My mouth
opened over his chest and my tongue lapped up the tiny liquid bead...
Mmmm.  I felt his body jerk with surprise when my lips moved over his
chest - my tongue chasing the droplets of moisture from his body. 
There, surely that taste was the sweetest... No, I thought, as my
mouth greedily drank from the dampness pooled in the hollow of his
throat - that spot, right... there - that was the most delicious.  

"Ohhhh."  Mulder's deep groan vibrated against my parched lips.  I
ran my hands over his damp shoulders and slid my fingers into his wet
hair.  I pushed him down onto the bed and stepped between his spread
legs.  Gripping the silky strands of his hair in my hands, I tugged
his head back and lowered my mouth onto his.

"You taste so good," I mumbled against his lips before my tongue
slipped into his mouth for a more thorough exploration.  I could
taste the mint of his toothpaste and a hint of the smokiness of the
wine we had been drinking earlier... and underneath it all, I tasted
Mulder.  My tongue rubbed against his and slid over his teeth.  I
retreated and lured him into following me, sucking his tongue into my
mouth hungrily. I wanted more.

"Lie down."  I pushed his shoulders and he dropped obligingly onto
the sheets. I leaned over him and ran the flat of my tongue across
his clavicle, stroking it over his Adam's apple, which bobbed
convulsively in his throat when my mouth lingered there.  

"Mulder," I sighed over his heart.  I scratched my fingernails
lightly across his pectorals and watched the flat nipples harden
under my touch.

"God!"  His breath exploded out of his chest when I tugged on the
waistband of his pajamas and fastened my lips onto the soft skin of
his stomach.  I ran my tongue over his hair-roughened skin and
scraped my teeth over the hardness of his hipbone.  His body was damp
now with perspiration and I lifted my mouth from his quivering flesh
to pull my pajama top over my head, tossing it onto the floor.

"Come here," he moaned and I smiled at the aching sound of his
voice, pleased to be responsible for that ache, happy to be strong
enough now to drive him to distraction - to be an equal participant
in our lovemaking... or to take the lead if I wanted.

"No," I whispered against his skin.  "Not yet."  I made quick work
of the knot at the waistband of his pajamas and hooked my fingers
into the elastic, drawing the soft material over his hips and down
his legs.  My name was a serrated sigh on his lips as my fingers
traced a path over his legs.  His strong thighs tightened around me
convulsively as my breath washed over him.

"Yeahyeahyeah," he chanted when my tongue darted out to lap at tip
of his erection.  My mind noted the new tastes - dark... musky...
Mulder.  I lifted my mouth from him and his hips jerked with every
puff of my breath as I spoke.

"You're mine, Mulder," I said.  "I've wanted you forever and I'll
never let you go," I vowed and when I closed my mouth over him, he
howled my name and sat up, bowing his body over me, tangling his
fingers in my hair.

"Stop... don't... oh!  Don't stop," he panted.  My heart thrilled at
the wild tone of his voice, his broken pleas and murmurs - the sound
of my name on his lips.

His lips... I wanted to taste his mouth again, to draw his breath
into me.  I lifted my head and looked into his turbulent eyes... and
I smiled.  A big, happy grin broke over my face and I flung my arms
around his neck and toppled him back onto the bed, peppering his face
with kisses.

"Mine, mine, MINE!" I sang out.  Mulder framed my face in his hands,
holding me still as he lifted his head to brush his mouth over mine.

"Always," he whispered against my lips.  "From the day I was
born..." I struggled between laughter and tears, laughter winning out
when he rolled me beneath him and stripped my pajama bottoms and
panties from my legs.

"Ha!" he exclaimed as he settled between my legs, thrusting his hips
suggestively against mine.  "I've got you right where I want you!"  I
grinned happily and wound myself around his waist.  Wrapping gentle
fingers around him, I drew him toward me.

"No." I panted with the long, liquid slide of his body into mine. 
"I've got you exactly where I want you."  I smiled triumphantly up
into his beautiful face.  He closed his eyes and pushed forward slow,
slowly... achingly slow.

"That's what I said," he groaned as I arched my hips up to meet his.
"You've got me just where I wanted to be." His teeth worrying his
bottom lip was a testimony to the exquisite pressure building between
us, but the devilish light dancing in his eyes and the smile I could
feel breaking over my face were evidence of the joyous pleasure we
took in each other's nearness.

"Mulder."  I moaned his name and slid my hands over his back and
into his hair.  He dug his fingers into the sheets and pushed himself
even deeper within me.

"What?" His voice was a hoarse rasping sound near my ear.  I turned
my face toward his and stared into hazel eyes that had gone blurry
with pleasure.

"Shut up and kiss me," I ordered.  He shoved his fingers into my
hair and tilted my lips up to his.  My arms and legs tightened around
him as he lowered his mouth to mine.

"Yes, ma'am," he murmured.  Damn.  He always had to have the last
word.

*****************

Sunlight streamed in through the window and across my face; I could
feel it though I was still in a half-conscious state. Yawning, I
rubbed at my eyes and burrowed my nose into the pillow, unwilling to
fully awaken just yet.  I was surrounded by warmth, my muscles ached
a little and the taste of wine was still in my mouth.  A small
furnace pressed into my back, all along my body from neck to knees. 
Scully... 

No, I didn't want to awaken and didn't want to move, ever.  I felt
so good, inside and out.  Sated with delicious food and wine; the
best loving this side of heaven - last night had been incredible. 
Not because of where we'd gone, since we'd stayed in and watched TV
all evening.  Incredible because we were together.  That was enough,
I'd say.  In fact it was beyond what I'd hoped for and prayed for all
those months ago when I'd first discovered Scully's cancer.  Back
then my only fervent prayer had been the sparing of her life.  

Now, all my prayers had been answered and every wish fulfilled.  It
had been over three months since her release from the hospital and
every day Scully was getting stronger.  She'd put back on most of the
weight she had lost and although she was still too thin, her face and
body had filled out and her skin once more glowed with good health. 
A daily exercise regimen had begun to rebuild lost muscle tone and
she'd been approved for field work after having spent the better part
of a month in the office with me on desk duty.  After getting her
weapon re-qualification she was pronounced ready to function normally
during a standard workday which for us meant that she was once more
acting fully as my partner.

Boy, was she ever... I lay in bed with my fully-functioning partner
snuggled up against my naked ass, one hand wound loosely around my
waist, and thought about the past few months.  

We'd spent every night together, either at my place or at hers.  At
first I'd balked at trying to spend any time in my apartment; it was
a mess most of the time and I'd hated to see Scully uproot herself
just for a night in my dusty digs.  But she'd grinned at me and
pushed me out the door of her building, her small overnight bag in my
hands, claiming that my fish had to be missing me and were probably
starved.  Faced with such logic I could do nothing more than obey her.

Once there, Scully made herself at home, which warmed me to no end. 
I loved finding places for her to stash her belongings, and the first
time I nestled her underthings next to my boxers in the same
drawer... the soft, damp eyes she turned my way just wiped me out.  I
remembered how I'd gathered her close and kissed her wet lashes,
murmuring my love into her ear in response to her snuffled, "Thank
you, Mulder..."

Our shoes mingled together in leather-and-lace bliss on my closet
floor and her make-up happily cluttered my dresser.  Likewise in her
apartment I had marked out various places in each room, and had
staked my ownership in bits and pieces.  It was comforting - it was
refreshingly normal -

And it was ten times more in just a few short months than I had ever
had with Lilly, in almost three years.  And my very acceptance of
this magical blending told me stronger than any words just how right
Scully and I were, together.  

Meant to be - I knew this for truth.

Since in the beginning she'd still been recuperating, I'd made
Scully go to bed early every night, and most nights I went in with
her - spending hours either watching her sleep, or in pleasurable
worship of her every trembling inch...  As we'd become more familiar
with each other's needs and desires, we gained confidence in our
ability to please each other.  I discovered a passionate side to Dana
Scully that I'd long suspected was there but that had always been
buried by her no-nonsense attitude and her scientific nature.  In bed
she was as sensual as could be and more woman than I'd ever had in my
sorry existence.  Out of bed her brush with death had left both of us
with an appreciation of the brevity of life - and determined to stop
wasting it by pretending our feelings were of no consequence.  We
were both hungry for the words that accompanied our actions and
quantified our love... now we weren't afraid to say them.  

True, we still kept our private life together mostly private - but
now, we could be out in public view and the touch of Scully's hand on
my arm would be enhanced by a whispered, "I love you"... My hand on
the low of her back would convey much more than simple support when I
bent into her hair and murmured my desire to place my hands in other,
more sensitive areas of her sweet body.

Her shiver of response would make me tighten all over...

I opened one eye and peered blearily at the night stand clock. 
Seven AM.  Thank God it was Saturday - we had a long, delicious
weekend together, with nothing more strenuous than dinner with
Scully's mom and a long telephone conversation with my mother to wish
her a Happy Birthday.  Since I'd come back from visiting her, Mom and
I had come to such a better understanding of each other, and our
phone calls were now much less stilted and more conversational, more
loving.  Another reason to be thankful and happy - I had missed my
mother, so much - and now I felt in some small way that I'd gotten
her back as well.

My sleepy thoughts were interrupted by the warm mouth that trailed
across my back and the hand that slipped down my stomach to clasp me
loosely.  Already halfway to hard from the feel of her pressing into
me, Scully's hand brought me the rest of the way in an instant.  I
groaned under my breath and fought to stay still, pretending to be
asleep, wondering how far she'd go to tease me awake.

My partner is a very methodical, thorough woman... Jesus.  It took
every ounce of my self-control not to just flip around and pin her to
the mattress, once those determined fingers decided to make
themselves felt.  They stroked and rubbed, cupped and caressed until
I couldn't hold it in... I sent one loud groan into my pillow and
twisted around to face my tormentor - who had a huge grin on her
beautiful face.  I trapped her hand between us when I shoved her
underneath me, and her smirking retort made me laugh against her lips
when I kissed them.

"Jeez, Mulder... you are SO easy..."  I swallowed her words and most
of her breath in the kiss I took.  Morning kisses with Scully... God,
sweeter than any candy.  I nibbled and licked at the fullness of her
lips, dipping inside for a better taste, hearing the soft moan she
released as the movements of our mouths deepened and our hearts beat
harder and faster.  Without breaking the kiss, I made short work of
the buttons on her nightshirt and tugged it off, tossing it blindly
over my shoulder.  Her protesting mumble against my mouth didn't
deter me in the least.

"Mmm, Mulder... wait.  I need to brush my teeth -" One of her hands
pushed at my shoulder and I let a growl loose into her open mouth and
pinned her hand down.

"I'll brush them for you... with my tongue."  And I proceeded to do
just that - working my way over each one thoroughly. I melted down
onto her soft body and stroked her, inside and out, with my tongue
and my hands.  She tasted delicious and felt intoxicatingly right in
my arms and all I wanted to do was love her this way forever. 
Starting with her delectable mouth...

I couldn't seem to get enough of Scully's mouth.  All during the
years of our partnership there were plenty of times when those lush
lips of hers held such fascination for me, but in my blindness I
never understood why. I'd thought it had to do with my normal male
appreciation for a beautiful woman, but oh... it went so much deeper
than that.  

Now I knew.  I had been born to kiss her lips, hold her body in my
hands - wrap her heart into my soul.  It just took me a long time to
sort it all out, and act upon it.  Almost too long... almost too late.

I would never make that mistake again... never.

I pressed Scully down into the bed and as I loved her I concentrated
on every sigh and moan those sweet lips uttered against my neck, or
my shoulder.  I reveled in the trembling touch of her fingers over my
skin and wallowed in the twining of her tender limbs all around me. 
The look in her intensely blue eyes as they stared into mine, keeping
visual track of the expression on my face when our bodies merged and
our breaths combined in yet another kiss - 

I would fold that look into a small and precious memory and store it
forever in my mind.  As I moved within the woman I loved and we
celebrated another morning together I sent a heartfelt thanks
heavenward for the gift I'd been given; the gift I'd treasure above
all others...

Dana Scully's love.

*************************

"Scully..."  

"Mmmm... I'm asleep."

"No, you're not - and if you are then wake up.  I've got a great
idea."

"Does it involve me engaged in some sort of sleep activity?"

"N-oooo... it involves a little vacation.  Me and you.  I think we
need a break, away from DC.  Don't you?  I mean... it's been months
since we've been out in the field, staying in some seedy motel,
eating lousy take-out... don't you miss it, Partner?"

"No."

"Well, how about foregoing the seedy motel and the lousy take-out,
and just taking time, instead?  We've got leave stashed; I say we use
it.  Find some beach somewhere just waiting for us to lay all over
it, and... What?  Why're you snickering, Scully?"

"Well... actually - I've sort of been thinking the same thing,
Mulder.  In fact, I already scheduled us for a little trip..."

"Scully!  Do tell!  Some exotic locale, teeming with aqua waters and
white sand and frozen daiquiris?"

"Welllll... yes, and no.  I chose Florida, because -"

"Florida!  Scully, baby!  We're going to Florida?  Oh man, I can
almost feel the sun; smell the surf and taste the salt in the air...
What?  OWWW!  You pinched my... you pinched me!"

"It was the only way I could get you to shut up!  It's not the
beach, Mulder.  It's - well, actually... oh, God.  It's a seminar,
okay?  I signed us up for a seminar, in Florida."

"A seminar."

"Oh, please. Mulder... don't do that; don't give me that wounded
puppy face - you know I can't resist it.  And I didn't have a choice,
honestly I didn't!  Skinner cornered me a few weeks ago when you were
down the street getting coffee.  Told me we were ridiculously behind
with our participation in that damn continuing education program the
FBI insists on adhering to.  He ordered me to sign us up for
something on the main list and go at the earliest opportunity.  I
should have told you sooner but I only got everything finalized a few
days ago."

"Oh, shit.  I probably don't want to hear this, do I?"

"It's not that bad, truly it isn't.  The lists of seminars were
mostly pretty lame, but I did find one that sounded fairly promising.
It's over a weekend and the hosting hotel is very nice.  And I think
we'd enjoy this one, Mulder."

"Okay... what is it?"

"Team-building..."

"You have GOT to be kidding.  What could some goofy seminar teach us
about team-building, Scully?  We're already the best team going!"

"Mulder, try to keep an open mind, please?  We don't have a choice. 
Skinner gave us a direct order this time - we can't keep avoiding
these courses.  This one has an added bonus - it will give us one-
third the make-up credits we need."

"Aww, baby... I don't want to go waste our time at some stupid
seminar!  I wanna go have some fun, with you..."

"Mulderrrrr... I promise you we'll have fun - I swear we'll find
plenty of time to enjoy ourselves.  And if you go willingly, without
further whining... I promise I'll make it worth your while."

"Oooo... care to give me a preview of how worthwhile you plan on
making it, Agent?"

"Gladly, Partner.  Just lie back, and allow me to start that team-
building, right now..."

"Oh, yeah... I love building teams..."

"Shut up, Mulder..."

"Yes, Ma'am."


End



Author's Notes:

Tess goes first:  I think I let all of two days go by after we
finished posting Deliverance From Evil before I started in on Char
again.  I told her that I wanted to write a Mulder/Other story that
ended in MSR but that I was afraid that I would find myself feeling
too badly for Scully and would not give Mulder a fair shake.  Char
wrote back with a couple of suggestions and I kept more or less
brushing them off wondering to myself "Geez, what is it going to take
to get her to offer to co-author this with me?"  LOL! Finally, after
about four e-mail exchanges, she took the bait and not only suggested
that we center the story around the cancer arc, but also introduced
Lilly in the prologue. We decided that we didn't want the other woman
in this story to be a homicidal maniac or a bitch, but rather,
someone that Mulder actually wanted to be with.  Someone that really
was a threat to Mulder and Scully's relationship because she was a
good and loving person.

My love and boundless thanks to Char for writing this with me, for
her friendship and her humor.  I'm hooked on this partnership but I
promise to take a step back and let you catch up on all of your other
writing commitments!  Thanks Char for bringing this story to life
with me.

Char's turn:

Like it took any amount of persuasion for me to collaborate a second
time with Tess!  I just about forced her into putting together an
outline!  I thought her idea of a Mulder/Other blossoming into a
solid MSR, and with a gentle and nice Other, to be a real challenge. 
And as always writing with Tess is an absolute joy.  Her Scully is
just wonderful and her dialogue is always right-on target.  

I look forward to our next endeavor, which I feel won't be all that
far in the future!  It's just too much fun writing with my Tessie! 
Love you too, Sweetie!


As you might expect, we have a list of people to thank for their
help in bringing this story to life.  To Paige, cheerleader
extraordinaire, as always, our deepest gratitude.  Aly, mystie,
David, and Foxsong all received advance copies and were lavish not
only with their praise, but their suggestions as well.  To the gang
at IWantToBelieve for their support and kindness as we previewed the
fic on the list.  They are the best!


You can find our stories, both by collaboration and individually at:

http://char.chaffin.com or http://www.envy.nu/tessfiles